Introducing Your Week 5 Opponent: NC State Wolfpack
With less than 2 months until kickoff, it’s time to roll through the upcoming FSU schedule with little-known and untrue facts about the Noles’ opponents in 2007. Enjoy.
The North Carolina College of Agriculture and Mechanic Arts was founded in 1887 by a Land Grant from the North Carolina General Assembly, a Sea Grant from the Confederate Submarine Association General Assembly, and a Space Grant from the General Assembly of the Cosmonaut School of Arc-Welders. The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill had opened its doors one hundred years prior, however both state farmers and businessmen claimed Chapel Hill’s elitist education of reading and writing did not meet the mandate of the general population for a school that specialized in the urinary and mustachioed arts. Thus the College’s main patron and first president, Mr. Wuf, set aside 10 acres of land where the best and brightest sons of Carolina could congregate, urinate, and grow mustaches that would make Robin Olds proud.
Olds, displaying his trademark nosebeard to the Royale class of ‘27.
Unfortunately, the mustachioed and incontinent have been persecuted in the American workplace. Therefore the College lacks any notable alumni, and in fact cannot count a single person among those who have donated to the school since its founding. Thus the school, despite changing its name to North Carolina State University has been unable to expand on any of the original campus designed and built by Mr. Wuf, nor has it been able to increase its attendance past the initial freshman class of 1889. In fact, all of those initial 39 students has yet to matriculate further than the freshman year curriculum, much less graduate.
Photographs of the NC State campus and total current enrollment.
Though ancient by comparison, the fans of the NC State football team are much like those of other large universities- they enjoy congregating around the field of contest, and supporting their team in full-throated roar. They have not forgotten, however, the fine traditions their school was founded upon, and continue to wear mustaches and urinate on each other, during games, to this very day. Fans have even created a music video compilation for a remix of their beloved alma mater:
There has been a wide-spread rumor that while Chuck Amato was on sabbatical training domesticated wolverines how to survive in the wild he engaged in coaching related activities with the NC State football program. The evidentiary absence of the sphincter-napalming defenses Amato coached previously in Tallahassee leaves this particular rumor in question. What is not in question, however, is the cold-blooded ferocity of the wolverine population recently reintroduced into the wild in northern and central Canada over the last six years.
Amato lecturing a young cadre of wolverines in upper Manitoba circa 2005.
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