Introducing Your Week 3 Opponent: Colorado Buffaloes
With less than 2 months until kickoff, its time to roll through the upcoming FSU schedule with little-known and untrue facts about the Noles’ opponents in 2007. Enjoy.
The University of Colorado was founded in 1876 as The Iron Mountain Yeti College, the first institution of its kind in the United States. It was believed that if the Yetis (or Sasquatches as they were called in Canada) could be assimilated with the English language and colloquial mannerisms, they would end their rampages against the nation’s back-country picnic sites. Initially, the college was a success, and by 1889 the entire North American Gigantopithecus blacki population was enrolled in the Boulder school.
Bob Heironimus, heading to class in 1903.
Trouble struck in the early 1900s when, with their grasp of language and literature becoming advanced, some of the older yeti began to read the works of T.S. Eliot, plunging them into chaotic tempers. In his Sasquatchum Seperenti manifesto, elder bigfoot Bob Heironimus demanded, “This piddling language produced The Waste Land? What a fucking joke.” Heironimus then led the rest of the yeti back in to hinterlands of the American West.
Having a campus specifically constructed for odorous, dingy students, the Colorado State legislature decided to then import young American hippies to renew its enrollment, and has continued the practice ever since 1907. Although rumors that it is possible to “hot box” Boulder by hiking into the Flat Iron Mountains above the city have been proven untrue (dammit!), it is a fact that incoming students are, to this very day, asked to register any bong with a water capacity exceeding 3 cubic metres, and to limit sword purcharses from the Home Shopping Channel to 2 per month.
Colorado adopted the Buffalo as its mascot upon its founding as the Yeti College, as the buffalo were the main form of transport for yetis migrating across the continent, and there remained a friendly, if not wholly symbiotic, relationship between the two species until the 1940s. The University has won 22 National Championships, with 21 1/2 in skiing, and the other half by Kordell Stewart in a since-cancelled event called “Leather Ball Upchucking.”
Original Ralphie mascot, freed of her yeti rider.
The Buffaloes football team plays their home games at Folsom Field, located smack dab in the middle of Colorado’s campus. The field is named for Franklin D. Folsom, who initially made his name constructing prisons and football fields. Although, when he decided to run for president, he changed it to the more ubiquitous “Roosevelt.” This year’s game against FSU marks the first time the Seminoles will travel west of the Mississippi since facing USC in Los Angeles in 1997. The ‘97 game is credited with reigniting the passion for quarterbacks to play at USC after the West Coast was treated to the balletic performance of FSU wunderkind QB and 3-time Heisman trophy winner Thad Busby.
This is not Thad Busby. This is his backup, Dan Kendra. Busby’s piss was so full of excellence, Kendra moved to fullback, then nearly blew his face off with a home-made pipe bomb.
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