Introducing Your Week 2 Opponent: UAB Blazers

With less than 2 months until kickoff, it’s time to roll through the upcoming FSU  schedule, with little-known and untrue facts about the Noles’ opponents in 2007. Enjoy.

Seeking the latest in medical defenses against the roaming minotaur hordes that populated the Alabama plains during the mid-19th century, The University of Alabama at Birmingham was founded in 1859 by a dragon named Chevy Blazer. Unbeknownst to Blazer, the Methodist Church had chartered the East Alabama Male College which opened its doors that very year, with the mission statement “Domar Minotorum Pluribum”, or “to domesticate the minotaur hordes.” The Male College was successful in its domestication efforts, the minotaurs today being called “cows,” and in 1960 EAMC officially changed its name to Auburn University.

 Chevy Blazer, searching bucolic Alabama for the perfect ground upon which to found a medical school.

Blazer’s quest for medicinal knowledge hardly abated, however, and through his efforts he turned UAB into one of the premiere hepatological surgery centers in the nation, specializing in additional liver implants to support the high alcohol consumption of the average Alabamian. When the first fans were able, with their additional livers, to drink past the 3rd quarter before cirrhosis set in, it was decided that Blazer would become the official athletic mascot. And he is immortalized in the fight song, “Blazer Victory:”

All hail alma mater

We drink this grog for thee

Raise up the chalise for Blazer victory!

(Fight! Fight! Fight!)

All hail alma mater

We pledge to always be

Ever drankin’ ever thankin’

Dear old UAB!

UAB’s football program is still in its infancy, having begun with its attempt to hire Jimbo!! Fisher in the Winter of 2006. They were unable to secure his services, though, due to the concerns of the University of Alabama System Board of Trustees about the possible cost of his contract. University of Alabama then hired Nick Saban for $30 million per year, 50% of controlling shares in Halliburton, and naming rights for all children born in Alabama during his tenure.

This has created a mini-rivalry between FSU and UAB, but nothing that compares to the ferocity of the Battle for the Bones game played between UAB and Memphis, in which the winner receives the bronzed bones of the opposing defensive coordinator.

 The ribs of Rick Kravitz, losing Memphis DC in the 2006 Battle for the Bones.

~ by Halleck T. on July 12, 2007.